This will be almost pure Gonzo journalism as I just learned a few minutes ago that Joe Mauer has signed an eight-year, $184 million contract to play for the Minnesota Twins. I’m at the beginning of a 12-hour shift and this couldn’t be more pleasing to me. Joe Mauer is the greatest person to come out of Minnesota since F. Scott Fitzgerald. The next eight years won’t all be .365 batting averages and MVP awards, but they will be filled with satisfaction knowing that Minnesota’s own will be home. He will get injured and he may not even be playing catcher at the end of this contract, but he will be home and fighting the forces of evil.
I never had any doubt he’d go to the east coast. He’s pure Minnesotan and not only would the fans have burned down Target Field, but Mauer’s family would have disowned him. Hell, I heard his family had a hard time when he started playing for the Twins because they played in Minneapolis and not his hometown of St. Paul. That’s devotion. If they were tentative about him playing in Minneapolis, they sure weren’t going to let him play for a team that has beat the daylights out of their team in the playoffs or another team that took the whip to the Twins in 1967. Real Twins fans won’t forget 1967, even if they wouldn’t be born for another 11 years.
Joe Mauer to Minnesota is to what Bruce Springsteen is to New Jersey.
There will never be another Kirby Puckett, but Joe Mauer is now bigger than Kirby Puckett (R.I.P.).
Touch ’em all, Joe Mauer … touch ’em all.